My dear friend Mary, with whom I did many adventures in 1970/80s, was diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer in early 2016.  When she realized that her cancer treatment could not help her, she looked for alternative solutions.  Over the next few years she completely changed her life.  Yearning to be closer to Nature she moved up the coast from Vancouver, to Powell River.  

Having moved to Powell River alone, where she knew nobody and was in late stages of cancer, she dove right into learning about the community’s local concerns.  As she settled into the small town, she met many suffering from the ominous silence and exclusion that terminal conditions and the prospect of death brings.  Though she intellectually understood the death and dying process (Kubler Ross & others’ work…) she realized that she was unsure of the whole process as a personal experience and felt a bit scared.  Being a community activist, she invited all who were interested to gather and talk about and investigate death and dying & their relationship to it.  There, anyone was welcome to talk about their experiences, fears, hopes and dreams. This helped others to open up and bring the subject into the light, from the dark recesses of “don’t go there”.

To further expand her/the perception of death, she started a book club on death and dying.  She sought out & shared inspiring books, and organized video viewings on the subject gleaned from a variety of sages, mystics, wisdom traditions, Near Death Experiences, channelled information, and anything that seemed relevant to the quest to deepen their understanding. She created a large community around her, and trained her team of beloved new friends that would come in to help her when she became physically incapacitated, which happened a few times, from which she miraculously bounced back.  They were all in training to help change their relationship with death and expand their compassion for themselves, each other and the rest of humanity.  They were learning and helping each other to open their hearts rather than shutting them down in the face of their death sentences.

Relating to death, as a birth to be celebrated, offered a new template for, and relationship with, death: Heralding our next adventure when our time here had finished.  As nobody knows for sure what happens at death, this seems like a much better option than spending one’s final time in dread, fear, suffering and misery.

In response to requests, and as she could no longer travel, she developed and ran an online course to teach, and empower her students, disenfranchised by desperate political/development/economic situations in their countries (eg. Afghanistan), on how to develop new organizational systems within their communities.  Though mentoring each one personally, a goal was to connect them together to form a community where they could share their challenges and solutions with each other.

I visited her for a few days every year for the next few years, during which we would walk in Nature in silence and later talk & talk – sharing more of our lives’ poignant experiences and lessons learned, as well as those still being processed. We still frequently sang and laughed, together.  Her exuberance for life, on-going interests & planned projects always amazed me.  She did not reflect her deteriorating medical condition, though I know she’d had some very close calls with death, between my visits.  It was obvious to me that she would not be leaving before she had finished what she had come to do.    

On her chosen time for passing on April 13, 2021, a whole day of sacred ceremony was orchestrated with tender loving care to every detail.   By then, physically incapacitated, Mary had prepared us all, scattered around the world, to do a ritual wherever we were to send her love and blessings to help her in her grand passage.  

Her team in Powell River knew well the rituals she requested for the occasion.  Above all they were there to accompany her on her departure from this world, as loving sisters and doulas.  Working within the COVID restriction protocols, the programme included creating the setting with incense, music, flowers & plants, singing/humming, readings as well as loving personal words of farewell.  When the time came, the MAID (Medical Assistance In Dying) nurse injected her as planned, and her body was lovingly prepared for its next phase.

Later a meal was served. A welcoming reception was also organized for friends who would visit over the following day or two, before her body’s final journey. 

A couple of months later she had organized for an online ceremony with all her international & local “brothers & sisters”, to share some of their experiences with her.  There was music, singing, photographs, and so many inspiring stories, which brought laughter, tears and a sense of awe at her courage and compassionate, effervescent spirit. The depth and diversity of her impact reflected her dedication to creating a better world for all.

She had worked building community in war-ravaged areas, and impoverished communities around the world, particularly empowering women with micro-financing schemes and growing their self-esteem with the knowledge and skills to help them enhance their economic and social realities.  I had not known of all the extraordinary risks she had taken to defend and empower the vulnerable in politically volatile areas.  She literally risked her life to save others.  The love and gratitude for having been with her was palpable and it was so nourishing for us all to be together virtually to meet one another and share.  

Mary taught me so much about life and death.  Her life to the end was deeply interdependent on people.  She loved people and life and galvanized a strong sense of unity, compassion and activism to empower communities to heal or improve whatever was not working well for them, wherever she went – including Africa, Central/South America, Middle East, Asia, Europe (during war in Bosnia, PhD programme in UK,…) & around North America.

Maybe it was because she knew so well how to live that when confronted with it, she invested the time/energy to also learn so well how to die.  And as always she shared generously all that she was and all that she had. She emailed me the day before her death due date.  I assumed that one of her team did the typing.  Her brief note said that she was ready to go.  Her star family had come to say they would be there to welcome her Home.  She felt fulfilled and at peace.

A deep bow of gratitude to Mary’s team in Powell River and to all her loved ones around the world.  She loved and appreciated each of you so very much.

Hasta luego, querida Maria, until we meet again…

with love,

Julieta

(photo taken by Mary while kayaking in the Pacific Northwest)