This extraordinary experience happened one morning as I walked in pure bliss in a nearby gorge in southern Crete.

Near the bottom of the gorge slopes, I found a wild female goat grotesquely caught up in branches of a fig tree.  She’d obviously taken quite a tumble down the slope but it was the contortion of her head and horns so badly twisted and caught in an impossible position within the branches of a fig tree, which made it impossible for her to free herself.  She was being slowly strangled to death.  The weak, pain-filled bleats of her suffering were unbearable.   Having lived with pastoralists in Andalusia, Spain and in northern Kenya, I already felt a rapport with goats but here, alone, I felt hopelessly inadequate for the job.  Yet somehow it felt like this was a very important act – a test that would represent all I’ve learned so far in this life. 

As a fully developed human adult, could I not even save the suffering of this helpless creature?!  I felt desperate to respond appropriately.  And in some very bizarre way, I sensed the overseeing presence of Pan –the Greek god of Nature who particularly watches over shepherds and their flocks.  I had started to feel the presence of Pan the previous month while I was staying in Damanhur (an ecovillage, research & educational centre located in northern Italy) as part of their Spiritual Healing course.

Now I felt his presence, again, maybe testing me to see how I reconcile my lower animal nature (reaction – panic) with my higher spiritual nature (conscious response)?  I knew immediately that I could not help her, alone.  It required too many hands & arms working together under inspired guidance.  I prayed for guidance and the help to enable me to effectively do what was best for the highest good.  Whether she was to die or not was not in my hands but ensuring that it was all done the best way, with the least suffering, was.  This happened during the holy week between the western and the Orthodox celebrations of Easter and rather bizarrely, it felt a bit like being tried to see if I could pass the test to take her down from a crucifixion. 

While I assessed the convoluted situation to find a method to free her, I wrapped my arms around her to relieve the strangling effect of hanging by her neck.  With her heart pounding against my chest I began to feel an intimate connection with her – as if I knew her so well because we are in fact, aspects of each other.  She was just presenting me with a glimpse of our integral interdependence – even inter-being. I could feel her suffering and helplessness & hear her silent screams. What happened to her deeply mattered to me.

Now practically, as a nurse, even with the unconscious or those whose language I did not speak, I was in the habit of always communicating with my patients, to establish a relationship, explaining, in soothing tones what I plan to do before and during my actions.  I became calm as I had faith that I would be guided through a process that was beyond my personal capabilities. 

Filled with compassion I told her that it might break her neck & put her out of suffering, but if I did not quickly untangle her horn from the tree branch that was strangling her, she would suffer to death.  It took all my strength, but Grace allowed me to free it without damaging her, yet that was only the first step. Feeling the warmth of her body and her beating heart against mine as I continued to support her heavy body, I suddenly found myself shouting out for help.   This was something I’d never done before.  I kept shouting, increasingly louder, despite thinking that it was most unlikely that anyone would hear me.

Miraculously, a young couple suddenly arrived in answer to my cries.  I now knew the needed course of action and with no time to lose, they quickly helped me.  With each of us pulling on branches to disentangle her contorted head & horns, she was soon freed and we could lower her gently to the ground.  Incredibly, her neck was not broken, but she could neither co-ordinate her legs, or hold up her head.  Aware that she became very anxious to be in such close contact with humans, we left her.  I thought of her kid, who must be waiting for her next feeding, as her teats were full of milk.  I continued to feel her presence as I walked up the gorge’s path.  Would she survive?  Was there anything more I could do for her? 

Then it felt like she called me and suggested I do a pranatherapy healing session on her.  I had not had an opportunity to practise it since I was “activated” to do it at Damanhur a few weeks earlier, in March.  So much had happened since then that I had almost forgotten about it.  I turned around and hastened to return to her.  She was lying limply where we’d left her and after her initial startle to my approach (a human presence so close to her), she calmed. Explaining what I’d come to do, I asked for her permission and it felt that she was receptive.

Her neck drooped lifelessly over her forelegs & the ground.  I squatted near her and extended my arms to hover my open hands over her upper body, slowly inching forward to be closer to her neck/head.  

She remained calm and still.  I could see her body rising with her respirations.  My hands became warm and tingly.  Within 7-8 minutes she suddenly started to get up.  She held her head up and struggled to use her now weak and flaccid legs.  It was time for me to leave, she needed to do what was her’s to do.

I mindfully backed away and returned to walk, skip and dance up the gorge path.  I felt such relief, joy and above all, overwhelming gratitude.  Though I did not know if she would survive physically, I felt that I had done what I was meant to do – to be willing to put aside personal pride & agency and humbly ask for guidance and help – to act more as an instrument in the situation rather than trying to do it myself.  Yet maybe above all, it was to release my individual identity as a separated entity and allow my perceived boundaries, where “I” begin & end, to dissolve in order to receive the experience of being united/one with the rest of Nature. For this to happen, I had to totally accept what was happening in that moment, engage with all my being, and drop all resistance to that process.

A few hours later, I returned to the spot to find that she was gone.  The only trace of her presence was some fresh droppings.  I never encountered the young couple again- they disappeared into the future.  Over the next few days, I visited the site daily, but saw no sign of her.  There were many wild goats inhabiting the area, & from a distance, if her neck had healed, I would be unable to distinguish her from the others.

I feel so grateful & humbled by the experience.

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